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Testing beds and mattresses may sound like something that is done with a variety of peculiar tools not often seen by the public, yet in reality the only apparatus that is needed is the sensitive posterior owned by the miraculous Graham Butterfield of Silentnight Beds.

Graham is endowed with a behind that can determine not only the comfort level of the bed or mattress in question but also identify the very material that the bedding is made from. This rare talent has catapulted Graham into the limelight this week, having appeared in numerous national press articles. He attributes his ability to ‘increased sensitivity around the buttocks’ and even though he has had to endure a fair amount of ribbing from his close friends is adamant that they are simply ‘jealous of his prized possession’.

This rare and precious ability has been protected by a special insurance policy that has made Graham’s bottom the most expensive in the UK. In the event of any damage to the invaluable area the policy would pay out a cool £1m. Any amount of money of course would never be able to replace such an incredible gift so Graham had better not bounce too hard when testing the goods…’

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